Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Ravyn's Mother's Last Update on her website:

June, 24, 2009

Sorry I haven't been able to update sooner. My hands have been so full with Ravyn's rapid decline. She is no longer "happy" because I can no longer allow her to drink thin liquids or eat anything with any type of texture. We are having to puree everything like baby food and Ravyn can't stand it! She fusses a lot. It's like having an infant all over again, only she is much heavier!! lol I can prop her up with pillows, but she can no longer hold her head up either. It's so hard to watch such drastic steps, but of course it's to be expected and I knew it was just a matter of time. She is starting to sleep some during the day, which according to the hospice book is to be expected as well. It's the bodies natural process to shutting down. Her breathing patterns are still fast, and she still experiences some episodes of apnea. This is usually when she starts causes her to stop breathing for a few seconds. I usually have to remind her to calm down so she can breathe easier. She also gets it when she is lying flat in the bed. I'm having to suction her nose/throat/mouth out a couple times a day. This is also due to the swallowing being almost paralyzed, so she is not handling her own secretions very well. The hospice nurse was out today and said that she had a little bit of rattling in her lungs. So, we have gone from several "stable" days to a drastic decline. I'm am still very grateful to have her in my arms every night when I sleep. This is something I will miss when she is cart-wheeling her way around Heaven. Ravyn has slept in my arms since she was born. She did sleep in her own bed with Lexi, but if she slept with me she had to have my arm under her head. Even now she has her head against my shoulder. She has to be touching me. It's comforting to her. Vanessa and Alexia have been saying "I love you, Ravyn" a lot more to her in the past two days. I know they see the rapid decline too, but I just try to keep the lines of communication open and hope that we can all make it through this with the best of intentions to use this as a learning experience and honor Ravyn's life in the future. I know there will be sadness, and an emptiness that nothing else can ever fill. I just hope during our sad moments, we can remember how much better off Ravyn is in Heaven. I keep reminding myself of that. I hardly cry because I am so busy trying to be strong for the girls, but it's becoming more of a challenge as I see my innocent baby girl slowly slipping from this Earth. There is no easy way around this. And although I feel I am a pretty positive person, it's hard to feel happy. That's why I picture God carrying her in his arms and introducing her to all his other precious children that are with him. Alexia is upset because Ravyn is going to get to hold Pepper first ( her pet hamster that died last year), and she gets to "meet all the famous people like Martin Luther King, and George Washington and all the presidents." The more Alexia thought about it, the more she wanted to go to Heaven RIGHT NOW!!! I'm glad she is yet again excited about going, but I told her it's not her time yet.

I am heading to bed now to get some sleep and count my blessings. I thank God everyday for the things that I have and the things that I don't. Only a loving Father would have such special plans for Ravyn and provide us with the strength to carry us through our journey here on Earth without her. I know that "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers", because selfishly I still want to hold onto Ravyn and watch her grow up, get married, and have babies as she has always dreamt about (she's always been in awe of pregnant women). When you have twins everyone always says "double trouble", but I see it as "double blessings". I have always known that, but now realize the blessings are that I have had the opportunity to be their mommy, and I have identical twins and will never have to wonder what Ravyn will look like growing up because of that.


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